Boundaries in relationships are crucial for their success. They are difficult to stick to because they seem selfish and yet they are the cornerstone of authentic connection.

I love humanity by letting it be what it wants to be, I love myself by becoming that which I wish to be – Stuart Wilde

After many attempts to help others at the cost of my own sanity, I realized that I do not have a responsibility for their growth or happiness. My responsibility is to Self within, and the best thing I can do for the world is focus on that.

You must meet people where they are and sometimes, you must leave them there. If you are looking for connection, it is not achieved by chasing people. If you focus on being yourself and doing your own thing, the right people who belong in your life will come to you and stay.

Connected yet separate

Sending unconditional love allows you to join with others while keeping your personal boundaries intact. You need intimate connections, yet it is important that you remain separate at the same time. If you feel suffocated in a relationship, doing things you don’t want to do, then you’re not clear about your own boundaries or are struggling to stick to them. Learn to express your feelings in the moment, stand by them and set boundaries accordingly.

At times, not honouring my boundaries and not standing up for myself, lowered my vibrations so much, that I contracted a physical illness. I separated from Self and that had consequences for body, mind, and spirit. Ego re-appeared and I got ill.

Be careful who you let into your life and whose opinions you consequently allow to become important, possibly overriding your own. The company you keep is utterly important. Be around the people you want to be like because you will be like the people you are around. Don’t see people for the sake of seeing people or out of habit or because it is uncomfortable to climb off the hamster wheel. Cultivate deepening of being and only connect with people worth spending time with. In deciding whether to connect with someone, honour your ‘no’ and listen to your intuition.

Tough love

When you’re unable to terminate a relationship such as with parents or siblings, stick to your boundaries calmly. Use the experience as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and the other. For instance, my only family member in this country bar my own children, was my mother. I didn’t like her as a person and had little in common with her. When she was fearful, she lashed out at me. She did not observe herself enough to see this pattern. It took me many years to understand this and not take it personally. I learnt not to react. Towards the end of her life while she was struggling with cancer, I was able to be the stable pivot around which she could spin and go crazy if need be. It took 50 years of practice to achieve this.

Beyond doing your duty, you’re not accountable to anyone. You have a right to decide what you say and do; how much and how you speak about your reality. If you stick to your boundaries, there is no need for anger.

People learn how to treat you based on what you accept from them. What you allow is what will continue.

Get in touch with me here if you’re struggling to set boundaries.


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