Others respond to your being passionate about your life. It feels good to be around people who really enjoy who they are and life and express themselves freely.
Be exactly what you are, not more nor less. Don’t pretend to be an expert, but don’t play yourself down either. Say to yourself: ‘I am no more or less than another. I am Me. If you like what you see, stay, if not, I am quite happy without you. I don’t have to try to fit you into my ideal and I don’t have to try to live up to yours.’
Attempting to appear perfect creates separation. You’ll tend to feel a lot closer to others when they are vulnerable and admit that they are not sure how to handle something. You won’t feel drawn to someone acting as if they know it all. People respond positively to vulnerability and openness about shortcomings. I have a stutter which I am loath to acknowledge since it is intermittent and situation dependent. When I do let others know about it and how it affects my life, however, they reach out to me. Not pretending to have it all together makes life warmer and easier for me.
The fastest way to find each other, is to tell the truth, all the time. Tell yourself the truth about yourself. Tell the truth to yourself about another. Tell the truth about yourself to another. Tell the truth about another to that other. The truth sets you free – Neale Donald Walsh
I have had to change from internal hidden obsession to external transparent expression. I tend to communicate with the other in my mind and not enough in practice. Be in touch with yourself and your expectation and discuss them with your partner. That openness allows you to really know one another instead of relating to an image or fantasy about one another. Stay away from conceptual analysis: labelling, evaluating, theorizing, moralizing, and classifying. Rather, talk about your own opinion and perspective, feelings, likes and dislikes, expectations, needs and wants.
Engage – even if you know it won’t be comfortable. You can’t avoid confrontation and flee into detachment. You’ll get walked over and then eventually you’ll have enough of it and simply leave. Say what you feel and ask for what you need in the moment. Then you return to unconditional love. This way your mind doesn’t need to mentalize and there will be no emotional drama. I tend to mentalize when I am left hanging, when I am left guessing, when I am being walked over and hurt and I don’t say ‘ouch’. I know I’m not standing up for myself and I’m not honouring my boundaries. If you ask for straight answers from others and are clear on what you need and actually ask for it, relating becomes a lot easier.
To get out of your head and into the real in relationships, keep it simple:
If you have a question, ask. If you want to be understood, explain. If you don’t like something, change it. If you love someone, tell them. If you want to meet up, invite. Life is too short for drama.- Author unknown
Contact me here if you’re ready to be real and could use some support.